My life had become a lot like your typical ride to work. We get in the car, start the engine, head out, and before we realize it, have arrived at our next destination. Often times, the actual drive from point A to point B is a blur, with no recollection of anything along the way. Things become such a routine that it just comes naturally to get there – but so much is lost in space and time along the way.
At 36 years old – I found myself in a cold, dark place with little remembrance of how I’d ever gotten there, and only small memories of the ride along the way. More often than not, I pondered on how I went from such a smart, bright girl to someone who cared so little about anything – including myself.
At 15, I walked away from God, which is where my searching began. I started experimenting with all the things my parents had sheltered me from. I tried to fill that void of emptiness with friends, men, and drugs, yet nothing worked. So-I dove deeper into all the wrong things. Addiction seemed to be my only constant companion I could cling to. Because it does not discriminate, I struggled with several addictions that I could not part with, nor did I want to.
In December of 2016, I found myself at the bottom of my pit. After many failed attempts at second chances, rehabs, counseling, and life in general – I realized I had dug this hole so deep that I alone couldn’t dig my way out. Incarcerated, serving a five-year sentence, I got the horrible news that my mother had died. Due to the circumstances of her death and my incarceration, I was not able to have a funeral, nor attend a funeral.
I had hurt my children once more, and had once again placed the responsibility of them on my father. I needed a drastic change, and a lasting change.
I had come to the end of myself. I had lost everything, everyone, and all hope. I had a choice. I could grow cold and let these circumstances define me, or I could choose a happier ending. I decided it was time to surrender to God, and choose a happier ending.
Because of God’s grace, I was granted favor with the judge and was given one more opportunity. In February of 2017, I walked through the doors of the Hope Center for Women. The healing of my past started when I arrived here, and it is a daily process. While being one of the hardest things I’ve done, it has also been the best thing I could have done. When I went back to my first love, God, everything else has just worked itself out and fell in place.
I am grateful, and I am thankful that He never gave up on me, and that He saw fit to give me another chance I didn’t earn, and didn’t deserve. He is continually restoring everything that was lost, and I look forward to the fulfillment of His promises to come. I await the journey of my happy ending wholeheartedly, and expectantly.
"And provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
- Isaiah 61:3 NIV -
